I got my guitar fixed yesterday. The thing could have been a voodoo doll. The nut had come unglued, causing all kinds of inappropriate sounds, tuning problems and general frustration. I wonder if my moods will become more stable, my thoughts more clear, now that my instrument is singing with its usual bright, clear voice.

I can’t say I truly believe that or that I even would want it. I think that magic, regardless of your grasp of it, would one day let you down, and probably on the day you had most need of it.

I woke up screaming at 3AM Thursday. I dreamt I was in Hell. It wasn’t a very long dream and there wasn’t a lot of detail, just a small, unassuming sign, about the size of a one you might see stuck in the lawn of a house that was for sale. It read, simply, “Welcome to HELL”. When I looked up the landscape had changed from green grass and trees to smoldering black desolation in all directions. I started to scream, which woke my wife, who also started to scream. I was afraid to go to sleep after that.

There’s a lot going on here these days, with Cathy going to school and such. I help her with her homework as much as I am able and try to do a bit more housework. I want to be the man she fell in love with, the one she thought would help her make all her dreams come true. I also want some things just for me, because I think that’s part of who that guy is. Time and hard knocks have a way of turning bright-eyed dreamers into hard-eyed realists if you let them. That guy was never much for realism.

Things are starting to change in my life. I’m driving some of the changes, some of them are driving me. I’ve heard it said that the only way out is through, so that’s the way to go, I guess. There is, after all, no going back. It would be good if the signs were clearer, or less terrifying.